So recently I have been starting back at the gym. I really love it there, but there are some things which seriously piss me off and some things that I think all guys and girls should know about gym etiquette and how to behave...
First of all and probably most important is the business of machine hogging, you know who you are... the person who goes to the gym at the most bussiest times and sits on the bike/ergo/runner and goes as slowly as the machine will allow whilst nattering to the person next to you, or even worse on the phone! Unless you are using your phone to play music or possibly to liaise with a gym buddy then phones should be left in the gym bag people.
It is also important that you do not hog the machine, even if you are working out properly on the machine, when you are taking your breaks or going to fill your water bottle, don't leave a towel on the machine/bench, leave the machine and come back after and be aware that the person who walks past three or four times staring at you is not admiring you, they are wondering when that fucker will finish and get off that machine!
One of the most important things to remember when finishing on a machine is that no matter how quickly you are trying to vacate the machine for another person, never and I mean never leave the machine or bench, without wiping down any sweat which you may have left on the equipment whilst working out. There is nothing more disgusting! So wipe it up!
I know this is a problem which does not concern all gym users, but a massive thing which infuriates me about using weights at the gym is when people do not put them back correctly, or when they fail to put them back at all! When arriving at the free weights area at my gym I swear to god it looks like a war scene! There are weights of different sizes all over the place and its like a shit game of 'Where's Wally' trying to find the weight I want! Clear up after yourselves people!
Whilst we are on the topic of weights, it seems as good a time as any to bring up my next rule. Don't drop weights in the gym. In body building gyms of old, they would kick people out for dropping weights and I think that rule should be brought back. No one cares how heavy that weight is your lifting and we certainly don't want to be put off our own work outs when you scare us half to death by dropping a weight and then grunting like your a fucking Olympic weightlifter, your not, so shut the fuck up and lower the weight like you are supposed to anyway! Dropping the weight is bad for your joints and just bad technique in general!
Whilst on the subject of noises at the gym, this mainly concerns people in the free weight areas again, but sometimes spreads to other areas of the gym and this is, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know that it has been written in magazines and research that making a small grunt whilst going for your last few reps helps with power for that last push. But seriously screaming in the middle of a gym id just not on... not on at all. So SHHHHHHH!!!!!
Last thing about weight areas is, guys who think they are the shit coz they can bench slightly more than someone else and wear a sleeveless top to the gym. Just piss off and stop intimidating slightly smaller guys and women. You are all dicks! You don't have to have a certain arm circumference to be in the free weight area, its not fucking Disneyland, so just piss off!
Next rule is a simple one, put your gym stuff in a locker. Its a pound and you get it back at the end anyway, if you don't have one, ask at your gyms reception. They will normally lend you one on an honour system and if they don't, then change gyms. Carrying a bag around with you whilst travelling from station to station makes you look like a twat and gets in other peoples way as well.
My penultimate rule for people at the gym, is a very specific one and I really can only talk on a guys behalf here, but I hear from many a female gym partner that it is a problem for women as well... It is concerning guys, usually of a slightly senior age, who will shower, (fine), dry themselves off in a rather unflattering manner, (bearable) but then start to get changed from the top down! TOP DOWN! This is just not right! I don't care what you do at home, but when you are in a gym surrounded by other people, with eyes, that work, you cover up first, then get changed! The other day I was in the gym and I had the most un pleasant situation of having to change across from a gentleman, who not only put his shirt on before anything else, also decided it was more important to put on his tie, watch and cuflinks before his underwear! I don't get it, just don't do it!
The last thing I want to say is on a rather serious note on what was otherwise meant to be a light hearted jokey blog. I am in no ways trying to say that I am any form of expert on gyms and gyming, but I have been very lucky to have very knowledgeable friends who have been kind enough to teach me as well as lots of personal trainers who have shown me how to use most gym equipment properly. But I still cringe when I see people coming to the gym and using the machines in the most horrific ways imaginable. Please please please learn how to use the machines and do exercises properly before you try something new at the gym. It is so easy to hurt yourself and you will normally do more harm than good if you do exercises incorrectly.
I also do not mean, go out and spend loads of money on personal trainer sessions, do as I did, just ask a friend, buy a copy of 'Men's Health' or even get on youtube. There are a number of pro body builders and sports professionals now who are putting amazing videos on youtube about their tips and tricks about everything from dieting to gyming. So please for my piece of mind and your well being, leave that new bit of kit until you are sure you know what to do with it.
As you can probably tell I just had a bad work out and wanted to vent! lol!
That is all...
See you at the gym!
First of all and probably most important is the business of machine hogging, you know who you are... the person who goes to the gym at the most bussiest times and sits on the bike/ergo/runner and goes as slowly as the machine will allow whilst nattering to the person next to you, or even worse on the phone! Unless you are using your phone to play music or possibly to liaise with a gym buddy then phones should be left in the gym bag people.
It is also important that you do not hog the machine, even if you are working out properly on the machine, when you are taking your breaks or going to fill your water bottle, don't leave a towel on the machine/bench, leave the machine and come back after and be aware that the person who walks past three or four times staring at you is not admiring you, they are wondering when that fucker will finish and get off that machine!
One of the most important things to remember when finishing on a machine is that no matter how quickly you are trying to vacate the machine for another person, never and I mean never leave the machine or bench, without wiping down any sweat which you may have left on the equipment whilst working out. There is nothing more disgusting! So wipe it up!
I know this is a problem which does not concern all gym users, but a massive thing which infuriates me about using weights at the gym is when people do not put them back correctly, or when they fail to put them back at all! When arriving at the free weights area at my gym I swear to god it looks like a war scene! There are weights of different sizes all over the place and its like a shit game of 'Where's Wally' trying to find the weight I want! Clear up after yourselves people!
Whilst we are on the topic of weights, it seems as good a time as any to bring up my next rule. Don't drop weights in the gym. In body building gyms of old, they would kick people out for dropping weights and I think that rule should be brought back. No one cares how heavy that weight is your lifting and we certainly don't want to be put off our own work outs when you scare us half to death by dropping a weight and then grunting like your a fucking Olympic weightlifter, your not, so shut the fuck up and lower the weight like you are supposed to anyway! Dropping the weight is bad for your joints and just bad technique in general!
Whilst on the subject of noises at the gym, this mainly concerns people in the free weight areas again, but sometimes spreads to other areas of the gym and this is, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know that it has been written in magazines and research that making a small grunt whilst going for your last few reps helps with power for that last push. But seriously screaming in the middle of a gym id just not on... not on at all. So SHHHHHHH!!!!!
Last thing about weight areas is, guys who think they are the shit coz they can bench slightly more than someone else and wear a sleeveless top to the gym. Just piss off and stop intimidating slightly smaller guys and women. You are all dicks! You don't have to have a certain arm circumference to be in the free weight area, its not fucking Disneyland, so just piss off!
Next rule is a simple one, put your gym stuff in a locker. Its a pound and you get it back at the end anyway, if you don't have one, ask at your gyms reception. They will normally lend you one on an honour system and if they don't, then change gyms. Carrying a bag around with you whilst travelling from station to station makes you look like a twat and gets in other peoples way as well.
My penultimate rule for people at the gym, is a very specific one and I really can only talk on a guys behalf here, but I hear from many a female gym partner that it is a problem for women as well... It is concerning guys, usually of a slightly senior age, who will shower, (fine), dry themselves off in a rather unflattering manner, (bearable) but then start to get changed from the top down! TOP DOWN! This is just not right! I don't care what you do at home, but when you are in a gym surrounded by other people, with eyes, that work, you cover up first, then get changed! The other day I was in the gym and I had the most un pleasant situation of having to change across from a gentleman, who not only put his shirt on before anything else, also decided it was more important to put on his tie, watch and cuflinks before his underwear! I don't get it, just don't do it!
The last thing I want to say is on a rather serious note on what was otherwise meant to be a light hearted jokey blog. I am in no ways trying to say that I am any form of expert on gyms and gyming, but I have been very lucky to have very knowledgeable friends who have been kind enough to teach me as well as lots of personal trainers who have shown me how to use most gym equipment properly. But I still cringe when I see people coming to the gym and using the machines in the most horrific ways imaginable. Please please please learn how to use the machines and do exercises properly before you try something new at the gym. It is so easy to hurt yourself and you will normally do more harm than good if you do exercises incorrectly.
I also do not mean, go out and spend loads of money on personal trainer sessions, do as I did, just ask a friend, buy a copy of 'Men's Health' or even get on youtube. There are a number of pro body builders and sports professionals now who are putting amazing videos on youtube about their tips and tricks about everything from dieting to gyming. So please for my piece of mind and your well being, leave that new bit of kit until you are sure you know what to do with it.
As you can probably tell I just had a bad work out and wanted to vent! lol!
That is all...
See you at the gym!
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