I hate 'The Only way is Essex'
The end...
Monday, 7 November 2011
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
I've always liked trains
I've always liked trains...
It's never been a love of the engine like some people have or the love of the romanticism that is so often linked to trains, I have just always liked trains.
I guess for me it stems from when I was 14/15, too young to be able to drive but old enough to want some sense of freedom. The train was my main way of getting around.
I remember me and a group of friends buying our tickets and jumping on the train to London, using the free travel card to its full advantage running round all day seeing sites and soaking in the atmosphere just glad that our parents were not there!
Ever since these days the train has always head a great deal of excitement attached to it. Not to mention the countless times since that I have used the train to go to concerts in London as well as going to summer camps all over the UK, mostly using trains.
I am currently on a train to London and was bored. I was thinking about this subject and get out my phone. My new blogger app just jumped out at me!
I still like trains...
Friday, 23 September 2011
Gym Etiquette
So recently I have been starting back at the gym. I really love it there, but there are some things which seriously piss me off and some things that I think all guys and girls should know about gym etiquette and how to behave...
First of all and probably most important is the business of machine hogging, you know who you are... the person who goes to the gym at the most bussiest times and sits on the bike/ergo/runner and goes as slowly as the machine will allow whilst nattering to the person next to you, or even worse on the phone! Unless you are using your phone to play music or possibly to liaise with a gym buddy then phones should be left in the gym bag people.
It is also important that you do not hog the machine, even if you are working out properly on the machine, when you are taking your breaks or going to fill your water bottle, don't leave a towel on the machine/bench, leave the machine and come back after and be aware that the person who walks past three or four times staring at you is not admiring you, they are wondering when that fucker will finish and get off that machine!
One of the most important things to remember when finishing on a machine is that no matter how quickly you are trying to vacate the machine for another person, never and I mean never leave the machine or bench, without wiping down any sweat which you may have left on the equipment whilst working out. There is nothing more disgusting! So wipe it up!
I know this is a problem which does not concern all gym users, but a massive thing which infuriates me about using weights at the gym is when people do not put them back correctly, or when they fail to put them back at all! When arriving at the free weights area at my gym I swear to god it looks like a war scene! There are weights of different sizes all over the place and its like a shit game of 'Where's Wally' trying to find the weight I want! Clear up after yourselves people!
Whilst we are on the topic of weights, it seems as good a time as any to bring up my next rule. Don't drop weights in the gym. In body building gyms of old, they would kick people out for dropping weights and I think that rule should be brought back. No one cares how heavy that weight is your lifting and we certainly don't want to be put off our own work outs when you scare us half to death by dropping a weight and then grunting like your a fucking Olympic weightlifter, your not, so shut the fuck up and lower the weight like you are supposed to anyway! Dropping the weight is bad for your joints and just bad technique in general!
Whilst on the subject of noises at the gym, this mainly concerns people in the free weight areas again, but sometimes spreads to other areas of the gym and this is, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know that it has been written in magazines and research that making a small grunt whilst going for your last few reps helps with power for that last push. But seriously screaming in the middle of a gym id just not on... not on at all. So SHHHHHHH!!!!!
Last thing about weight areas is, guys who think they are the shit coz they can bench slightly more than someone else and wear a sleeveless top to the gym. Just piss off and stop intimidating slightly smaller guys and women. You are all dicks! You don't have to have a certain arm circumference to be in the free weight area, its not fucking Disneyland, so just piss off!
Next rule is a simple one, put your gym stuff in a locker. Its a pound and you get it back at the end anyway, if you don't have one, ask at your gyms reception. They will normally lend you one on an honour system and if they don't, then change gyms. Carrying a bag around with you whilst travelling from station to station makes you look like a twat and gets in other peoples way as well.
My penultimate rule for people at the gym, is a very specific one and I really can only talk on a guys behalf here, but I hear from many a female gym partner that it is a problem for women as well... It is concerning guys, usually of a slightly senior age, who will shower, (fine), dry themselves off in a rather unflattering manner, (bearable) but then start to get changed from the top down! TOP DOWN! This is just not right! I don't care what you do at home, but when you are in a gym surrounded by other people, with eyes, that work, you cover up first, then get changed! The other day I was in the gym and I had the most un pleasant situation of having to change across from a gentleman, who not only put his shirt on before anything else, also decided it was more important to put on his tie, watch and cuflinks before his underwear! I don't get it, just don't do it!
The last thing I want to say is on a rather serious note on what was otherwise meant to be a light hearted jokey blog. I am in no ways trying to say that I am any form of expert on gyms and gyming, but I have been very lucky to have very knowledgeable friends who have been kind enough to teach me as well as lots of personal trainers who have shown me how to use most gym equipment properly. But I still cringe when I see people coming to the gym and using the machines in the most horrific ways imaginable. Please please please learn how to use the machines and do exercises properly before you try something new at the gym. It is so easy to hurt yourself and you will normally do more harm than good if you do exercises incorrectly.
I also do not mean, go out and spend loads of money on personal trainer sessions, do as I did, just ask a friend, buy a copy of 'Men's Health' or even get on youtube. There are a number of pro body builders and sports professionals now who are putting amazing videos on youtube about their tips and tricks about everything from dieting to gyming. So please for my piece of mind and your well being, leave that new bit of kit until you are sure you know what to do with it.
As you can probably tell I just had a bad work out and wanted to vent! lol!
That is all...
See you at the gym!
First of all and probably most important is the business of machine hogging, you know who you are... the person who goes to the gym at the most bussiest times and sits on the bike/ergo/runner and goes as slowly as the machine will allow whilst nattering to the person next to you, or even worse on the phone! Unless you are using your phone to play music or possibly to liaise with a gym buddy then phones should be left in the gym bag people.
It is also important that you do not hog the machine, even if you are working out properly on the machine, when you are taking your breaks or going to fill your water bottle, don't leave a towel on the machine/bench, leave the machine and come back after and be aware that the person who walks past three or four times staring at you is not admiring you, they are wondering when that fucker will finish and get off that machine!
One of the most important things to remember when finishing on a machine is that no matter how quickly you are trying to vacate the machine for another person, never and I mean never leave the machine or bench, without wiping down any sweat which you may have left on the equipment whilst working out. There is nothing more disgusting! So wipe it up!
I know this is a problem which does not concern all gym users, but a massive thing which infuriates me about using weights at the gym is when people do not put them back correctly, or when they fail to put them back at all! When arriving at the free weights area at my gym I swear to god it looks like a war scene! There are weights of different sizes all over the place and its like a shit game of 'Where's Wally' trying to find the weight I want! Clear up after yourselves people!
Whilst we are on the topic of weights, it seems as good a time as any to bring up my next rule. Don't drop weights in the gym. In body building gyms of old, they would kick people out for dropping weights and I think that rule should be brought back. No one cares how heavy that weight is your lifting and we certainly don't want to be put off our own work outs when you scare us half to death by dropping a weight and then grunting like your a fucking Olympic weightlifter, your not, so shut the fuck up and lower the weight like you are supposed to anyway! Dropping the weight is bad for your joints and just bad technique in general!
Whilst on the subject of noises at the gym, this mainly concerns people in the free weight areas again, but sometimes spreads to other areas of the gym and this is, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know that it has been written in magazines and research that making a small grunt whilst going for your last few reps helps with power for that last push. But seriously screaming in the middle of a gym id just not on... not on at all. So SHHHHHHH!!!!!
Last thing about weight areas is, guys who think they are the shit coz they can bench slightly more than someone else and wear a sleeveless top to the gym. Just piss off and stop intimidating slightly smaller guys and women. You are all dicks! You don't have to have a certain arm circumference to be in the free weight area, its not fucking Disneyland, so just piss off!
Next rule is a simple one, put your gym stuff in a locker. Its a pound and you get it back at the end anyway, if you don't have one, ask at your gyms reception. They will normally lend you one on an honour system and if they don't, then change gyms. Carrying a bag around with you whilst travelling from station to station makes you look like a twat and gets in other peoples way as well.
My penultimate rule for people at the gym, is a very specific one and I really can only talk on a guys behalf here, but I hear from many a female gym partner that it is a problem for women as well... It is concerning guys, usually of a slightly senior age, who will shower, (fine), dry themselves off in a rather unflattering manner, (bearable) but then start to get changed from the top down! TOP DOWN! This is just not right! I don't care what you do at home, but when you are in a gym surrounded by other people, with eyes, that work, you cover up first, then get changed! The other day I was in the gym and I had the most un pleasant situation of having to change across from a gentleman, who not only put his shirt on before anything else, also decided it was more important to put on his tie, watch and cuflinks before his underwear! I don't get it, just don't do it!
The last thing I want to say is on a rather serious note on what was otherwise meant to be a light hearted jokey blog. I am in no ways trying to say that I am any form of expert on gyms and gyming, but I have been very lucky to have very knowledgeable friends who have been kind enough to teach me as well as lots of personal trainers who have shown me how to use most gym equipment properly. But I still cringe when I see people coming to the gym and using the machines in the most horrific ways imaginable. Please please please learn how to use the machines and do exercises properly before you try something new at the gym. It is so easy to hurt yourself and you will normally do more harm than good if you do exercises incorrectly.
I also do not mean, go out and spend loads of money on personal trainer sessions, do as I did, just ask a friend, buy a copy of 'Men's Health' or even get on youtube. There are a number of pro body builders and sports professionals now who are putting amazing videos on youtube about their tips and tricks about everything from dieting to gyming. So please for my piece of mind and your well being, leave that new bit of kit until you are sure you know what to do with it.
As you can probably tell I just had a bad work out and wanted to vent! lol!
That is all...
See you at the gym!
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Lifeguard... more like fun disturber!
So I am a lifeguard... about Six and a half years ago I spent a long ass intensive week learning everything from how to resusitate a person who's drowned all the way to how to treat someone for anaphylactic shock. I actually started this training without the intention of becoming a lifeguard, it was just something to do during a particularly boring Easter break, but after talking to a number of participants of the course they convinced me it would be a good idea. So I applied to the Magnet Leisure Centre in Maidenhead and was delighted to hear they had spaces and that I was going to be filling one of them.
Thanks to major scare tactics during my training I was thinking that I was going to be saving people all the time, diving in and out of the water constantly bringing people back from the brink of death with water spluttering out of their mouths like in the movies. I was so sure of this that for my first few shifts I even took a spare change of uniform thinking that I could change out of my heroic wet clothes and carry on my shift in comfort!
I still remember how nervous I was on my first shift, it didn't help the fact that I was basically thrown in at the deep end (if you will pardon the unintentional swimming pun) and essentially left on my own to life guard the leisure pool at the magnet. It was after getting up on to the famous lifeguard style chair that it dawned on me how big the pool seemed, how tall the chair was and how many people 30 people actually is to watch at one time! I was sitting on the edge of my seat my head twisting and turning like a bloody owl to any sound or splash. I was convinced that every yelp from a child was a cry for help and that every time someone put their head under the water they were not going to come back up again!
After my first hour on poolside I was very disappointed but also slightly relieved that I was still dry and did not have to go in this time, but in a while I would be back on poolside again, surely this time I would have to save someone!
My next time came and went, my next shift came and went, my first week also passed with no incident, I was sure that this must have been some form of record for the Magnet and that it would surely happen soon! But then the months started passing with nothing and then finally when the years started passing I was becoming less and less convinced that I was going to have to do something!
There was one shift I will never forget though... I had been at the Magnet about a month or so, when I was coming off poolside putting my shoes back on there was a call on the Radio that a "first aider was needed in the Body Zone" (the name of the gym at the Magnet). This was it I thought... my chance to shine! I started to sprint up the stairs three or four at a time, when I heard a follow up call on the radio, "oh sorry we don't need a first aider any more, it turns out he was asleep" It turned out that the receptionist from the gym had seen what she thought was a collapsed man on the floor, it turned out it was just a man lying down after doing one to many seated rows! That is the closest I've ever come!
I have not even had to deal with a first aid off of poolside either, no broken legs on a squash court or a heart attack from a badminton player.
It is well known fact at the Magnet that you know it is either a very boring or a very hot day when you are sitting on the side of the pool hoping that people drown just so you have something to do or have an excuse to jump in the pool and cool down! The amount of times I have wondered if I could get away with pretending to fall in..? It could happen!
When I first started I thought my whistle was going to be going mental the amount of time I had to blow it to warn my fellow lifeguards that I was 'taking action' and getting in the pool, in reality the only thing I use my whistle for is to stop people having fun. This includes almost anything vaguely fun related such as... standing up on floats, sitting on peoples shoulders or even a little bit of running! Its terrible! I'm not even allowed to swing my whistle any more, I always thought that was a key skill of being a lifeguard but apparently you are not allowed!
After such a long time with no incident it would be easy for me to get all complacent and stop watching or concentrating, it is of course very important that I don't do this, for obvious reasons. The difference is that if most people have a off day at work, they may not get as many figures crunched or words written, essentially no one is going to notice. The day I loose concentration at work someone could die! This keeps me alert I can tell you! Wouldn't it make you?
So sometimes when people as me what I do, I don't say lifeguard any more I say fun disturber its a more accurate job description!
Thanks to major scare tactics during my training I was thinking that I was going to be saving people all the time, diving in and out of the water constantly bringing people back from the brink of death with water spluttering out of their mouths like in the movies. I was so sure of this that for my first few shifts I even took a spare change of uniform thinking that I could change out of my heroic wet clothes and carry on my shift in comfort!
I still remember how nervous I was on my first shift, it didn't help the fact that I was basically thrown in at the deep end (if you will pardon the unintentional swimming pun) and essentially left on my own to life guard the leisure pool at the magnet. It was after getting up on to the famous lifeguard style chair that it dawned on me how big the pool seemed, how tall the chair was and how many people 30 people actually is to watch at one time! I was sitting on the edge of my seat my head twisting and turning like a bloody owl to any sound or splash. I was convinced that every yelp from a child was a cry for help and that every time someone put their head under the water they were not going to come back up again!
After my first hour on poolside I was very disappointed but also slightly relieved that I was still dry and did not have to go in this time, but in a while I would be back on poolside again, surely this time I would have to save someone!
My next time came and went, my next shift came and went, my first week also passed with no incident, I was sure that this must have been some form of record for the Magnet and that it would surely happen soon! But then the months started passing with nothing and then finally when the years started passing I was becoming less and less convinced that I was going to have to do something!
There was one shift I will never forget though... I had been at the Magnet about a month or so, when I was coming off poolside putting my shoes back on there was a call on the Radio that a "first aider was needed in the Body Zone" (the name of the gym at the Magnet). This was it I thought... my chance to shine! I started to sprint up the stairs three or four at a time, when I heard a follow up call on the radio, "oh sorry we don't need a first aider any more, it turns out he was asleep" It turned out that the receptionist from the gym had seen what she thought was a collapsed man on the floor, it turned out it was just a man lying down after doing one to many seated rows! That is the closest I've ever come!
I have not even had to deal with a first aid off of poolside either, no broken legs on a squash court or a heart attack from a badminton player.
It is well known fact at the Magnet that you know it is either a very boring or a very hot day when you are sitting on the side of the pool hoping that people drown just so you have something to do or have an excuse to jump in the pool and cool down! The amount of times I have wondered if I could get away with pretending to fall in..? It could happen!
When I first started I thought my whistle was going to be going mental the amount of time I had to blow it to warn my fellow lifeguards that I was 'taking action' and getting in the pool, in reality the only thing I use my whistle for is to stop people having fun. This includes almost anything vaguely fun related such as... standing up on floats, sitting on peoples shoulders or even a little bit of running! Its terrible! I'm not even allowed to swing my whistle any more, I always thought that was a key skill of being a lifeguard but apparently you are not allowed!
After such a long time with no incident it would be easy for me to get all complacent and stop watching or concentrating, it is of course very important that I don't do this, for obvious reasons. The difference is that if most people have a off day at work, they may not get as many figures crunched or words written, essentially no one is going to notice. The day I loose concentration at work someone could die! This keeps me alert I can tell you! Wouldn't it make you?
So sometimes when people as me what I do, I don't say lifeguard any more I say fun disturber its a more accurate job description!
Friday, 25 March 2011
My Life Unplugged...
So it dawned on me recently how utterly reliant I am on Technology and me being me, I thought I would write a little 'day long diary' and let people know about the tech I use on a normal day... so here it goes!
12:00am
To many I know this counts as the day before but I thought for the purposes of this blog I would start and end the 24 hours at midnight. So at midnight I was lying in bed laptop on lap watching yet another episode of 'Modern family' whilst having a 'WhatsApp' convo on my mobile about who should get with who...
01:00am
Still watching 'Modern Family' on the laptop but my Google Chrome extension for ebay popped up and reminded me that I had some items on Ebay which were ending soon, increased a bid on one or two... hope I win!
02:00am
After starting up the next episode of 'Modern Family' my Google Chrome extension for Ebay just informed me that some of my items have five mins left! They have all gone over the budget i set for them! Bummer! Had a quick look on the new Lloyds TSB money manager and it showed me in a very helpful colourful wheel that I definitely did not have enough money.
03:00am
Just loading up what should be my last episode of 'Modern Family'
04:00am
It wasn't...
09:00am
First alarm goes off on my DAB digitial radio to try and wake me up...
10:00am
Second alarm goes off on Radio, thank god it has multiple alarm settings! Finally wake up... commence my initial morning checks of Phone and Facebook before getting up and making my morning cup of Coffee 'Modern Family' following me on the laptop.
11:00am
Start working on dissertation... use far to many applications to remember, Google, Google Scholar and Google Docs to name a few....
12:00pm
Wow I really wished I had picked a more exciting day to talk about tech than one where I am in doing my dissertation for most of the day! But have used Google and Wikipedia to the absolute limit!
13:00
Started writing my Wicked Weekend Tunes blog on my phone whilst waiting for pasta to cook for lunch in the kitchen, Its amazing how even though I am using lots of different mediums to write it, it remembers what I write and updates them all.
14:00
Checked the golf scores on my 'Golf Channel' App and then remembered that I wanted to record the golf on Sky Plus. So I logged onto the App and set the Sky box to record from 80 miles away!
15:00
So today I drove home from Portsmouth to Maidenhead, before I get in the car I log onto my Google Maps account and check the directions and the traffic, i can then send the information straight to my phone so it comes straight up on the screen and traffic info updates along with alternative routes in case of bad traffic. As soon as I get in the car I plug my phone into its dock and drive... no accidents today, straight drive back. Chatted on phone using bluetooth headset and managed to organise my weekend!
16:00
Stop off at the gym on the way home, before I start my work out I load up my work out app on my android, it tells me what stretches are most important and how long to hold them for. Then I load up my music app and turn on one of my mixes and get going! Whilst my playlist is playing it also updates my last FM at the same time!
17:00
So then I go for a quick swim and sauna after the gym, which means no electronic tech, but tech is everywhere not just in technology! I mean look at my car, full of tech, not all electronic but I have a new pair of goggles with really comfortable eye sockets, what about my swim trunks, new fasto spedo ones, packed full of technology, all of them, packed full.
18:00
After drying off I had to wait for a friend so decided to have a look for new apps on my phone, I got a little too excited when i found that there was a new dj app on my phone, it allowed me to load songs onto miniature turntables and mix like i would with real CDJ's! I had way to much fun messing around with this, it was incredible!
19:00
Out shopping, have a quick look at my Cookery app to see if there is anything i fancy for tonight, it even breaks down ingredients for me into a fancy shopping list! Also double checked my work shifts for tomorrow on my calendar app.
20:00
Sat down watching a film... to much tech to mention, 42" plasma screen still blows my mind how thin it is, the DVD player, don't get me started, I mean its a film on a disk, and don't get me started on the surround sound, how does it know where to send the sound! What are there little elves in there or something! I even know how it works and I still don't get it!
21:00
Still getting amazed when a voice comes from the speakers behind me... gets me every time!
22:00
Film finished... talking to my lazy friend who spent five mins in the gym and then left on 'Whats App' whilst watching 'Sky'. 999 channels! Just amazing!
23:00
'Modern Family' is back on...
24:00
I started thinking about why I wrote this blog I actually don't know why I bothered, I guess I just re-realised how excited I still get about technology and even though I know how most of this crap works it still just amazes me and I enjoy that!
God I love technology! That's about it!
12:00am
To many I know this counts as the day before but I thought for the purposes of this blog I would start and end the 24 hours at midnight. So at midnight I was lying in bed laptop on lap watching yet another episode of 'Modern family' whilst having a 'WhatsApp' convo on my mobile about who should get with who...
01:00am
Still watching 'Modern Family' on the laptop but my Google Chrome extension for ebay popped up and reminded me that I had some items on Ebay which were ending soon, increased a bid on one or two... hope I win!
02:00am
After starting up the next episode of 'Modern Family' my Google Chrome extension for Ebay just informed me that some of my items have five mins left! They have all gone over the budget i set for them! Bummer! Had a quick look on the new Lloyds TSB money manager and it showed me in a very helpful colourful wheel that I definitely did not have enough money.
03:00am
Just loading up what should be my last episode of 'Modern Family'
04:00am
It wasn't...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
09:00am
First alarm goes off on my DAB digitial radio to try and wake me up...
10:00am
Second alarm goes off on Radio, thank god it has multiple alarm settings! Finally wake up... commence my initial morning checks of Phone and Facebook before getting up and making my morning cup of Coffee 'Modern Family' following me on the laptop.
11:00am
Start working on dissertation... use far to many applications to remember, Google, Google Scholar and Google Docs to name a few....
12:00pm
Wow I really wished I had picked a more exciting day to talk about tech than one where I am in doing my dissertation for most of the day! But have used Google and Wikipedia to the absolute limit!
13:00
Started writing my Wicked Weekend Tunes blog on my phone whilst waiting for pasta to cook for lunch in the kitchen, Its amazing how even though I am using lots of different mediums to write it, it remembers what I write and updates them all.
14:00
Checked the golf scores on my 'Golf Channel' App and then remembered that I wanted to record the golf on Sky Plus. So I logged onto the App and set the Sky box to record from 80 miles away!
15:00
So today I drove home from Portsmouth to Maidenhead, before I get in the car I log onto my Google Maps account and check the directions and the traffic, i can then send the information straight to my phone so it comes straight up on the screen and traffic info updates along with alternative routes in case of bad traffic. As soon as I get in the car I plug my phone into its dock and drive... no accidents today, straight drive back. Chatted on phone using bluetooth headset and managed to organise my weekend!
16:00
Stop off at the gym on the way home, before I start my work out I load up my work out app on my android, it tells me what stretches are most important and how long to hold them for. Then I load up my music app and turn on one of my mixes and get going! Whilst my playlist is playing it also updates my last FM at the same time!
17:00
So then I go for a quick swim and sauna after the gym, which means no electronic tech, but tech is everywhere not just in technology! I mean look at my car, full of tech, not all electronic but I have a new pair of goggles with really comfortable eye sockets, what about my swim trunks, new fasto spedo ones, packed full of technology, all of them, packed full.
18:00
After drying off I had to wait for a friend so decided to have a look for new apps on my phone, I got a little too excited when i found that there was a new dj app on my phone, it allowed me to load songs onto miniature turntables and mix like i would with real CDJ's! I had way to much fun messing around with this, it was incredible!
19:00
Out shopping, have a quick look at my Cookery app to see if there is anything i fancy for tonight, it even breaks down ingredients for me into a fancy shopping list! Also double checked my work shifts for tomorrow on my calendar app.
20:00
Sat down watching a film... to much tech to mention, 42" plasma screen still blows my mind how thin it is, the DVD player, don't get me started, I mean its a film on a disk, and don't get me started on the surround sound, how does it know where to send the sound! What are there little elves in there or something! I even know how it works and I still don't get it!
21:00
Still getting amazed when a voice comes from the speakers behind me... gets me every time!
22:00
Film finished... talking to my lazy friend who spent five mins in the gym and then left on 'Whats App' whilst watching 'Sky'. 999 channels! Just amazing!
23:00
'Modern Family' is back on...
24:00
I started thinking about why I wrote this blog I actually don't know why I bothered, I guess I just re-realised how excited I still get about technology and even though I know how most of this crap works it still just amazes me and I enjoy that!
God I love technology! That's about it!
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